


A Little Unsteady

by RecklessAbandxn



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2019-11-06
Packaged: 2021-01-24 08:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21335551
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RecklessAbandxn/pseuds/RecklessAbandxn
Summary: He was magnificent. That was what Remus was thinking since day 1. He saw him for the first time in the Poudlard express. He was runing in the alley, a prefet following him closely, shouting « Sirius Black, come back here ! ». And at this exact moment, Remus thought that he was magnificent.A story of love, by a shy Remus Lupin, who reminds me of myself.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Kudos: 9





	A Little Unsteady

**Author's Note:**

> First of all, I'm French, and I'm sorry for any english mistake in my writing.  
I hope you will enjoy A little unsteady, I hope that I will find some time to write more chapters.  
Lots of love !

He was magnificent. That was what Remus was thinking since day 1. He saw him for the first time in the Poudlard express. He was runing in the alley, a prefet following him closely, shouting « Sirius Black, come back here ! ». And at this exact moment, Remus thought that he was magnificent. His black hair around his smiling face, his mischievious smile and his sparkly eyes. He saw that during the three seconds Sirius looked back at him. And he knew at this moment that he wanted to be his friend. 

Two years later, Sirius was runing down the stairs of Poudlard, Remus by his side. Rusard was not far behind, shouting their names and threats of painful death. And at this moment, he was magnificent. Remus still couldn't believe who was laughing by his side, even after two years of mischief and rule-breaking. His fast beating heart was going to go threw his chest in any seconds, but he was happy. Happy to be with one of his best friend, happy to be with Sirius. With Sirius and his glorious hair, and his glorious eyes. His glorious piercing eyes looking at Remus. 

That was the moment he realised he was in love with him. And everything fell apart. 

He tripped on the last stair, falling on his knees, coughing like crazy. Rusard was still screaming behind them, but he couldn't hear a word. His lungs were burning like hell, like they never did before. He could feel Sirius hand on his shoulder, but his tensed body couldn't move. He felt like dying. Sirius hand was off his shoulder in seconds, Rusard holding him by his colar. That's when remus saw the small petal in his hand, blood covering almost all of it. He closed his palm over it, blood runing down his hand. He finally looked back to Sirius and Rusard, the old man was still screaming, not minding the poor boy on the floor. But Sirius was looking right back at him, a look of horror on his face. 

« Moony, you're bleeding ! Let go of me, god damn it ! »

Why was he still magnificent ? Fuck. He was screwed. 

Hanahaki. What a strange name for a strange disease. Albus Dumbledore himself was sat by his medical bed side, looking at him with worried eyes. Remus knew what Hanahaki was. Because when he was young, his neighboor died from it. This thing could be removed. But by removing it, you also lose your feelings for the person you love. This guy couldn't imagine his life without his love for her. He lived 3 years with it. And then, one day, Remus couldn't see him through his windows anymore. He was gone. That's why Remus didn't seemed choqued when the headmaster told him about his disease. And he already knew that he was fucked. Because there was no way he was going to tell Sirius. And there was no way he was going to get his feelings for him removed.

« You have a choice, Remus. You could simply tell your feelings. » he said, not moving an inch when Remus said no with his head. « Or you could accept the intervention. Get rid of it for good, and never talk about it again. » Again, Remus said no, and this time, Albus Dumbledore let out a heavy sigh. « Mr Lupin. », he said, looking straight into his eyes. « I'm not going to ask you who's the reason of all of this. I'm just going to ask you one simple question. » The pause he took seemed to take hours. « Is this person worth dying for ? »

This time, Remus didn't move. Was Sirius Black worth dying for ? The answer was yes. Was anything worth dying for ? The answer was still yes. Being a werewolf in this world was a curse. A curse he was living with for far too long now. And if he could put a end to all of this, why not ? Why not let the Hanahaki kill him slowly? Without realising it, tears start rolling down his cheeks. He watched without a word the headmaster, who nodded before standing up. And with a « get some sleep », he left. Leaving Remus with his dark thoughts, and his tears. It took a while for him to fell asleep, and when he did, he had a dream about petals, blood, and beautiful black hair. 

When he woke up the next morning, his whole body was hurting. Miss Pomfrey put a glass of a yellow mixture on his bedside table, and told him that he could leave whenever he was feeling better. Remus wished to never leave. He was scared to face Sirius again. What if he had seen the light petal in his hand covered in blood ? He couldn't stand the thought of his friends knowing. He was already a burden for them., no need to put this on their shoulders. Later in the day, when he heard the noises behind the doors of the infirmary, he had some times to think about what he was going to say to his friends. Hanahaki was not on the table, they will never know.

When they came in, Miss Pomfrey already shouting at them to be quiet, Remus couldn't help the smile spreading on his face. God he had missed them. His life was definitely cold and grey without them in it, even for a day. When Sirius took place at his right, his hand resting on Remus forearm, the werewolf hold his breath for a few seconds, scared to let anything go out of his mouth. It's only when he was sure that nothing was going to burst threw his lungs that he allowed himself to breath again. 

« Moony we missed you ! » cried Peter, a box of chocolate in his hand. « Sirius has been awfull, this night without you was a nightmare, I barely slept because of him ! »  
« Hey, stop lying you little rat ! » shout Sirius, without removing his hand from Remus skin.  
« No, padfoot, he's right. You were moving every two seconds, talking threw your teeths like an old man. I almost kicked you out. » James said with a sigh, before looking at Remus again. « You scared us Moony. Sirius told us about all the blood.. What happened ? »

That was it. The question Remus prepared himself for all day. A part of him was feeling guilty for lying to them. The other part was shouting at him to lie until the last second of his life. Because he made them suffer enough. That's the part Remus choosed to listen. 

« I'm really sorry, I .. During the last full moon, I hurt myself real bad. » he said, looking now at his hand, the one far away from Sirius Black. « I told Dumbledore and Miss Pomfrey, they both told me to take it slow, to stay calm for a change. And.. I didn't. »

Remus removed his eyes from his hand, looking at James and Peter, who were looking directly at Sirius. That's when Remus realised that the hand on his arm was gone. And when he looked back at Sirius, he only saw his head bowed, his hand covering his eyes. His throat tightened at this sight. 

« Sirius.. » he said, only seconds before Sirius start to talk, his voice shaking at every words.  
« I'm so sorry Moony this is all my fault. I should have noticed. I draged you into this without asking you if it was ok, I'm sorry. »

At this moment, Remus only thought about a world without his love for Sirius black. A world where his words wouldn't go through his heart like an arrow. A world where his beating heart was not only beating for him. And in his head, this world was full of sadness, tears, and darkness. He was going to die. But he was going to die loving Sirius black. What a glorious death.


End file.
